the best, hardest thing i've ever gone through

it's no secret that i find the greatest joy in being "mom" to our little sadie.

but if i'm being honest, it was not an easy road to get to.

i haven't opened up much about our trial of struggling to get pregnant, but i feel ready now.

those 2 years of anticipating, and being let down in the biggest way possible month after month

were for lack of a better word... sucky! 

i can't tell you how many times i asked heavenly father "why me?"

"why do you ask me to start a family and promise me joy in my prosperity, then make it SO hard?"

i had moments where i felt like my womanhood had been stripped from me.

thankfully, i continued to pray. my husband continued to love me and comfort me.

in retrospect, not getting pregnant right away had its fair share of blessings.

i was able to make a dent in my schooling and will was able to grow his business.

we were able to spend much needed quality time together learning to communicate better

and working on having more patience with one another.

we were given the opportunity to travel and experience other cultures and people.

we discovered our hobbies and made and strengthened many friendships. 

we were blessed to be able to move into a house and prepare a family environment.

above all though, we were given the strength everyday to keep moving forward

through tears, heart ache, and oh so many prayers.

heavenly father wanted us to grow up and prepare to guide and protect this special girl.

there are so many people who have to wait for a child for many more years than we did,

and i can't imagine the amount of courage and strength they have to cling onto daily.

all i know is that heavenly father is all knowing and that he hears and answers all prayers.

not a day goes by that i don't see sadie being here as anything but a miracle.

what an amazing gift we have as mothers to use our body to bring these spirits into the world.

likewise, what a gift for mommies who grow their babies in their heart and adopt their children.

i can't imagine a more fulfilling life than to know my children are happy and kind- hearted,

because i loved them with all i had and taught them what it means to live a beautiful life.